Sunday, May 15, 2011
Changes.
Lately i have been feeling incredibly overwhelmed. I cannot even believe it is May let alone the fact that i am graduating on friday. Everything is changing & i have had so much to think about. What scares me is how insanely fast time flies by. I feel like all i have wanted in the past is to get older, gain more freedom and responsibilities but now that i have it i am terrified. Everything that happens from now on is up in the air, nothing is for certain and this terrifies me. I have also been having negative thoughts about not being good enough and worries that i somehow will not "succeed" (whatever that means) in life and end up being a disappointment to myself and those i love. There are so many jumbled up emotions inside of me. I probably need a good screaming sesh to get it all out!
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I don't know if this helps Ayma joon,but you're definitely not the only one who feels like this! <3
ReplyDeleteI agree with Andie, graduating college is a HUGE leap into the unknown, and so many people are feeling the same way you do. It's unsettling not knowing what's next, and in some ways being stuck in "limbo". When Mike and I were married, and he was in Afghanistan, I was in Limbo alll-the-TIME; not knowing where we'd be living, if he'd make it home, if I'd need to find a new job, if I'd have to make new friends, if I'd be far away from my support system, if he'd change while he was gone, if I'd change while he was gone... and it was this way for over 7 months. But sometimes when we're thrown into the limbo of life, the fear and uncertainty forces us to develop new skills and strengths. I dedicated myself to the thing I could control - like doing service, or being a better friend. And then when you're finally able to move forward, you do so with a clarity of purpose and spirit as doors are opened. Suddenly you have a multitude of paths you could take, and generally (though it's not the direction you "thought" you'd be going) you end up in an even better place.
ReplyDeleteMore than anything else this fear of the unknown was an amazing lesson in faith. "What God hath willed, will be." And if you truly trust in that, that everything happens for a reason, and there is always a lesson to be learned, you'll be perfectly fine.
When I'm going through something totally tough I think about clouds. It sounds weird, I know, but I think about storm clouds. Under the clouds things are a mess, it's scary and loud, it can be confusing, and it sometimes feels like the storm will never pass. But if you're in a plane above the clouds looking down, the storm clouds make the most beautiful cloud formations. There's a beauty and a purpose and if you're able to weather the storm from below and make it to the top (see the bigger picture) you'll see the beauty in it.
So, my dear Ayma, let yourself scream and cry... because it is terrifying! But you know you're good enough and you know you'll succeed. Half the battle is convincing yourself, and then taking on the world with a sense of purpose. Even if that purpose is just to be a happy and joyful being. And you, my love, are one of the most joyful people I've ever known, and I admire that about you. :)
xoxo